I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize