Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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