Dual....:-)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
