I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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