That's when you crack a 10am beer
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
