i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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