..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
