We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
