i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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