I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I lost the right to judge tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
