i was born a porn star she said
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
