thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
