k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
