You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
where are you?
Hypothermia
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
