Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
