My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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