Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
