There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
