No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
