Your tits are I can't wait for
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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