idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
