Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
