Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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