I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
