I need help removing her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize