It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
