'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize