I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize