4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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