I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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