90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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