how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
