i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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