jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
