Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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