): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
