so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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