dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
