I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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