who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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