It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize