I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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