end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
