your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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