IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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