Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize