I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
