dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
