Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
