I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
