Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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