he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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