Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
