I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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