I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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