His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize