this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
