Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
