Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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