Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize