You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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