Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
