my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
