I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
