sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
