I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
