Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
