I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
only if we run a train.
done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sex in a hospital.. check
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
