i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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