my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
