you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
